By: Lou Storey
My grandmother believed she could
feed you back to mental health
a ship at sea blown in half
your half floated
You called me half a man
your gay son
I wish I’d known you whole
the World War II sailor out to sea
known you before the shock of survival
cut you in two
killing the parts that were tender
leaving a man pretending to be whole
The family never talked about the war
never talked about your condition
never gave you needed therapy
your politician father could not abide a crazy son
both of us with fathers who feared what we were
Had I thought this way when you were alive
would I have forgiven you?
My husband and I sit on our back porch
dark of morning to watch the birds
a squalling Carolina Wren pushed from the nest
flaps new wings not in flight but in loud protest
prone on pavement
Pushed from the nest by you at 17
I did not flap my wings
No squawk of protest
Fearing predators ready to pounce
Devour this prone fay boy
Only now do I see this comparison
you, pushed into World War II by your father
me, pushed into the streets by you
both of us damaged
both of us shellshocked
forgiveness demands relationship
you to own your deeds, have regret, offer repair
I to accept and find ways to forgive
I worried as a boy about a future
where I might have a son that I treated
as badly as you treated me
as badly as your father treated you
the greatest gift
was relief when I knew for certain
the biology of my love could not make babies
Thirty-five years with the man now called husband
the miracle to have a life I love
The miracle of forgiveness
I offer to the fate that carried me
all the way to this porch
to this morning
a baby wren
discovers what wings can do
trades darkness of pavement
toward the generous blue of sky.
Lou Storey is a visual artist and retired psychotherapist living in Savannah, Georgia, with Steve, his husband of thirty-five years. Lou’s fiction writings have appeared in The New Yorker, New York Times Tiny Love Stories, River Teeth’s Beautiful Things, Blue Mountain Literary Review, Multiplicity Magazine, Beyond Queer Words Anthology, Short Story Competition Winner, WriteTime Magazine, and finalist in the Saints & Sinners Tennessee Williams Festival. Lou is also a featured artist in the documentary film The Creative Imperative.
